My Father-in-Law

Carl has cried tears of joy that his dad isn't in pain anymore. You know, he's been sick for more than twenty years! He was diagnosed with leukemia in 1985. Since then, he's had two heart attacks, has suffered from shingles, contracted diabetes, and has had pneumonia almost every year (sometimes twice a year) for the last five years or so. When he fell from exhaustion and pneumonia, last week, he had a heart attack and fractured his neck. He'd been in the hospital for almost two weeks. He couldn't speak or swallow by this last Friday and passed away this morning at 3:50am, with his wife, Johann, by his side.

It's really a blessing that he isn't suffering anymore. I knew that he had died at 6am this morning when his spirit came into our room. I felt it and he told me that he loved us very much. I cried out to him. He sat at the foot of our bed and he said, "Oh no, don't cry. It'll be all right." He then went to Carl's side of the bed and told him he loved him. Carl was asleep, though, so he didn't hear or feel him there. Carl's father said, "I'm going to go look at those girls," and he left. I woke Carl up and told him. He told me that when he woke up he had tears in his eyes.

I have cried so much that my eyelids are puffy. I'm sure I'll cry more. We're going to be flying to Chicago tomorrow (Sophia's birthday). I really appreciate all our friend's and family's prayers, kind words and thoughts.

Life is fragile and it's very clear to me that if we withhold thoughts and words of love and kindness, we're only hurting ourselves. If there's any doubt about whether to do or say something for or to a loved one or dear friend --- thinking about whether you'll regret not doing or saying that something once that person is gone is a really good gauge to go by.

I'm glad that I had the chance to talk to him and tell him that I love him before he passed away. I wish that I had been more attentive and connected, though.

"What color are burps?"

The other day I was cleaning up breakfast in a hurry. I had a huge list of things to do and I was in that state of mind that I get in when I'm busy, stressed, and overloaded. Ava kept pulling on my leg and I kept telling her to "hold on" (a phrase I remember my own mother using when more than one thing was demanding her attention). When I finally broke from whatever important task I was doing - probably something like wiping down the counter - Ava asked me a question I have never been asked. This question is one that most kids apparently know the answer to because my 8 year old, Lucy, knew the answer immediately when asked later.

"What color are burps?"

"I don't know."

"They're purple."